Operation Centaur Rodeo: Words, visuals and online article archive. Love, Carolyn Tripp

TSV "Right" screening Tuesday, February 7th at 8pm

2012-01-31T21:08:00.000-08:00

New Article on the Little Red Umbrella

2012-01-17T13:10:00.000-08:00

Here's a story about something that's been on my mind for a while. I have a feeling I'll be plagued with this for about as long as people will remember it - which is to say indefinitely.

http://www.littleredumbrella.com/2012/01/my-names-not-fucking-linda-by-carolyn.html

Macabre

2012-01-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidayz

2011-12-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

Mercer Union pre-sale for Pinup on now!

2011-12-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

Click here to view posters, click here to view "Untitled 1981"

Mercer Union + TPW

2011-11-25T22:10:00.000-08:00

Lone Swan, 2011 (detail - 9" x 12" chromogenic print) http://gallerytpw.ca/photorama2011

Untitled Frame, 1981 (detail - 12" x 8" poster) http://www.mercerunion.org/pinup/PIN_UP/PINUP.html

Tea Time Coven

2011-11-15T11:03:00.000-08:00

Leopard Print!

2011-11-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

New Magenta Mag article: Winnie Truong

2011-10-28T16:16:00.000-07:00

Check out my review of "The Fringes" at ESP.

Gaming and Tourism Commission Video - Carrier Pigeon

2011-10-25T21:13:00.000-07:00

The Gaming & Tourism Commission presents: The Carrier Pigeon from C Tripp on Vimeo.

Final week for Viva Voce at the Blackwood Gallery

2011-10-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

Entrance - Blackwood Gallery - 8bit Domestic by Carolyn Tripp, 2011 http://www.utm.utoronto.ca/services/gallery/Blackwood_exhibitionVivaVoce.html

Morrissey Punch

2011-10-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

via Morrisseydance.com

Blog Bits: The Evolution of the Wychwood Streetcar Barns

2011-10-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

The Wychwood Streetcar Barns

Interior of Barns after conversion. Image courtesy of Artscape.

There is often an esthetic conundrum in seeing the building in midst of talks for its restoration. While essential to community growth and diversity, not to mention a city’s heritage, the interiors of derelict buildings can be the most inspiring portions of our city.

Such was the case with the Wychwood Ave, now the under the title of Artscape in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Their development, conversion and subsequent unveiling this past fall was exciting enough. Witnessing a compelling portion of Toronto history restored instead of yielding to the wrecking ball was a huge triumph for its supporters and the surrounding community.

Exterior of Barns after conversion. Image courtesy of Artscape.

The fate of these barns, used for repair and storage of TTC streetcars for the better part of the 20th century, was precarious at best. The four buildings, constructed between 1913 and 1921 looked curious from the outside, resembling rural Ontario more than they did any urban centre. The concrete floors boasted odd corridors that ran underneath floor level to facilitate streetcar maintenance, lit naturally by skylights spanning the entire length of each structure. While these details were all an urban explorer’s delight, it was a stagnant venue otherwise.

Come the mid-90s, the Toronto Transit Commission, who held the property under a long-standing loan from the city, were developing alternate plans for these 20th century relics. Allegedly prompted by legal issues surrounding a streetcar crash in 1995, the TTC was looking to sell the property that they deemed to be in surplus of their operations.

Moving swiftly, a request for a demolition permit was submitted in the summer of 1996.

In March of 1998, however, the City Council voted to deem the site as part of the Toronto Inventory of Heritage Properties. Come summer, the decades-old loan was recalled and the title of the property was transferred back to the City of Toronto.

Artscape became more officially involved in community meetings in early 2000. Director and CEO Tim Jones recalls one blizzard-like evening in which Ward 21 Councillor Joe Mihevc chaired a meeting held in a church basement.

Batman Graffiti - Interior of Barn Space pre-construction - Carolyn Tripp 2003

“We arrived early and set up about fifty chairs and I thought to myself, ‘nobody’s going to come in this weather.’ Maybe we should have scheduled it another time.” The meeting’s attendees soon filled the room, and it became evident it was going to be difficult for everyone to be heard. “There was lots of passion, lots of finger-pointing, and a lot of opinions flying around that night,” Jones recalls.

It was apparent at that point that whatever the fate of the barns, the community cared deeply about their history and development. The Artscape organization, who have a history of restoration and development in Toronto, was eventually nominated to conduct a feasibility study in favor of an arts-based multi-use development for the site. In June of 2001, a city council motion was passed to officially partner them with the City of Toronto to begin planning a vision that included community input as well as structural assessments to see where the barns stood in terms of actual repair – another point of dispute over those who preferred to see them torn down.

According to Jones, the Wychwood Barns initiative was curiously the first project in which they had encountered NIMBYism (Not In My Backyard) in regards to the development of the site. “The opposition was definitely in the minority. A lot of curious rumours were spread, but opposing viewpoints should always be taken into account. As an organization, Artscape had no vision for the site, only the mandate to develop it based on community input.”

In response, various community members galvanized the need for public awareness into the group A New Park. The year 2002 saw the Artscape/City of Toronto feasibility study completed. The barns were deemed salvageable, and there was an open call for anyone interested in developing the site to make proposals to the city. A New Park’s prerogative at that point was public outreach. “One of the first things we felt we needed to do was to make sure that the larger community around the Barns knew what was going on and what a treasure this building was,” emphasizes Vid Ingelevics, a founding member of A New Park, as well as an artist, professor, and city resident, “…(we felt) the barns being a centerpiece of the new development within a new park had enormous social value.”

Fundraising and events began in earnest, including public tours and an photography exhibition, Industrial Strength, which saw Sheridan, York University, OCAD, and Ryerson students called upon to photograph the space. A then student at Sheridan College, I was intrigued by the proposal and made the trip downtown that summer to receive what was to be my introduction to Torontonian history and urban renewal.

View from under the floor - Carolyn Tripp 2003

There was a large group of us set to photograph and spend time in the still derelict barns. We were even requested at one point to hop through a broken bit of fence on Christie Street so the few opposing residents on Wychwood Avenue wouldn’t be able to see us enter the buildings. The ceilings dripped and large plants had been making their way through the concrete foundations. This project also presented the opportunity for the final group of us to exhibit our photographs along St. Clair the following autumn.

Ingelevics and the New Park Committee members were entirely satisfied with the community’s response “(The exhibition) galvanized a lot of support for the project… As people became increasingly aware of how much had already been lost and what an opportunity the barns offered us tide began to turn towards saving them.”

After design charettes and countless proposals were made to the city, the task of developing the Wychwood Barns went to Artscape in late 2003. This has resulted in a vibrant space that supports local initiatives. Ingelevics remembers the opening day being incredibly poignant for all of those involved, “The first day of the Saturday morning farmers market in the barns in November 22, 2008, was really something special. The Barns were packed with people from all of the surrounding neighbourhoods… Shopping, talking with one another. It was just as we imagined it years ago.”

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Article originally written in 2009.

#OccupySesameStreet Favourite

2011-10-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

via tauntr.com

#occupysesamestreet explained

Tyra Banks/Sauron

2011-10-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

via cruciodathoe

Untitled 8bit Installation at Xpace - Nuit Blanche 2011

2011-10-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

Untitled 8bit installation, Oct 1st, 2011.

Nuit Blanche at Xpace Cultural Centre - TONIGHT

2011-10-01T13:17:00.000-07:00

My installation in the front, K-Town Karaoke in the main space.

Untitled 8bit installation at Xpace Cultural Centre, Ossington Ave, Toronto.

Morrissey Dancing

2011-09-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

via Morrisseydance.com

Morrissey Crying

2011-09-30T08:41:00.001-07:00

via Morrisseydance.com

Installation - Blackwood Gallery, University of Toronto at Mississauga

2011-09-28T18:54:00.000-07:00

Viva Voce at the Blackwood Gallery opens this Wednesday

2011-09-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

Exhibition brochure for Viva Voce.

Viva Voce at the Blackwood Gallery, including work from ASM Kobayashi, Denise Thomasos, Jessica Valentin, and other Art & Art History Alumni. See a preview of the work here.

"Untitled 8bit" at Xpace Cultural Centre opens Friday, September 9th

2011-09-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

For more info on the show and Xpace, click here.

RIP Jack Layton

2011-08-22T18:55:00.000-07:00

Hallowe'en costume, 2008. Photo refurbished in honour of Jack Layton,
former leader of the New Democratic Party of Canada whose lengthy
battle with cancer came to an end August 22nd, 2011.

KOTV extended cut with Snuff Crew remix of "Still On About Keith Cole"

2011-07-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

Here's an extended cut of the footage we shot with KOTV last month. Feat. Snuff Crew's mix of "Still On About Keith Cole".

To What Earth Does This Sweet Cold Belong? Review in Magenta Magazine

2011-07-11T20:31:00.000-07:00

Just reviewed the most recent group show at the Power Plant Gallery in Toronto, To What Earth Does This Sweet Cold Belong? featuring artists Andrea Carlson, Annie MacDonell, Erin Sheriff, Jennifer Rose Sciarrino, and Kevin Schmidt.

"Powerful, desolate, and largely uninhabited, a lot of the landscape remains a question mark to the majority of Canadians and Americans, except in art, photography and film. In images portraying the more remote areas of our Continent, we’re typically subjected to either painting that had its day during the turn of the last century, or shocked by the magnitude of our impact on the environment north of the 60^th parallel as seen on Planet Earth or The Nature of Things.

The five artists in the show To What Earth Does This Sweet Cold Belong - three Canadians and two Americans - take the North American landscape and use it to develop vastly different conceptual pieces. Kevin Schmidt’s ongoing landscape-based video and photography work takes us to a tree trunk painted to look weak, as though it had been hollowed out to serve as a view-finder for the landscape beyond..."

Read the full review here.

Vazaleen Teaser Filmed with KOTV!

2011-07-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

To donate to the charity: Queer and Trans People Living With Cancer started in Will's name - Go to the www.the519.org website and scroll down to the link at the bottom of the page. Indicate in the message portion that the donation is for Will's fund.

Street Furniture: Attack of the Charette

2011-07-05T10:52:00.000-07:00

Originally published on EyeWeekly.com

Street Furniture: Attack of the Charette

Analyzing the aesthetic rationale at the street-furniture exhibition in Toronto City Hall yesterday was trying at best. This was especially true when I took a Mayor Miller quote into account that these new street furniture structures were meant to, “improve… elevate and celebrate Toronto’s urban beauty.”

For Jonathan Goldsbie of the Toronto Public Space Committee, Miller’s statement falls terrible short of the bike post: “For the most part, [all of the designs here] simply have no interest in the viewing pleasure for the public.”

This design charette included proposals from Astral Media, Clear Channel and CBS, but only one company will be given the contract to build. Although the victim of our design conclusions is often the dreaded advertisement, Neal Panchuk of the Zeidler Design Team for Clear Channel pointed out, “How else are you going to pay for them?”

Good point, but that simply points to a lack of municipal funding, which is really at the heart of the city’s need to contract externally in the first place. Panchuk, a resident of the city, aptly defended his team’s design pointing out various niceties that he, as a resident, would like to see on our streets.

“Public bathrooms in parks, proper poster boards, more flower planters… All of these things are good for a city to maintain, and that’s what we’re hoping will happen with our Clear Channel proposal.”

And what of other details the public might benefit from, say, above street level? Designing street lamps to reduce light pollution always seems like an overlooked idea, and they currently aren’t on any company’s agenda. Only one mock-up (Astral) includes thin, sleek lamps that look as though they were an afterthought.

Image courtesy of the Torontoist.com

This is perhaps less of a concern as opposed to bus stops and on-street advertising, but last time I checked, lamps were still integral to any city space. And yes, they count as furniture.

When I mentioned their inclusion in the Astral models, Panchuk explained, “We haven’t put them in there because it wasn’t part of the [city’s] initial request. Besides, there’s only so much you can design before the quality becomes compromised.”

At what point does that quality become compromised? Apparently, it’s when at which the design team is awarded the contract and city starts making their real demands.

“This is only a fraction of the many things we could do with streets and sidewalks,” explained Panchuk. There are apparently many things on the table post-win that the public won’t get or comment upon until the designs actually hit our streets.

This charette is simply meant to give examples of a much larger beast, and smaller details like lamps and bicycle posts are left biting the dust, one might conclude, because they’re just too small to slap ads anywhere on their surfaces. And while I’d like to retain some optimism for more fresh ideas come construction time, my doubts still remain.

Sol Lewitt 1928 - 2007

2011-07-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

Image courtesy of MOMA.

Originally posted at EyeWeekly.com

Art: Sol LeWitt 1928-2007

Carolyn Tripp

2007

The American-born artist Sol LeWitt, 78, died due to cancer-related complications on April 8.

One of the true pioneers of The Geometric, LeWitt enjoyed an impressive career that was born out of 1960s Minimalism and spanned the next four decades. His transitions from one medium to the next were seamless, including his endeavors in sculpture, photography, and his much-lauded painting installations.

Out of his work in the Toronto area, one such piece that falls into the painted category is LeWitt’s project at Pearson International Airport. The work entitled, “Wall Drawing #1100, Concentric Band” has lines shaped into a pattern bend into the shape of an airport skylight, poised above one of the incoming gates.

Much of his work was just as site-specific, including his more recent showings at the Art Gallery of Ontario, who exhibited his work at Swing Space and in the Shape of Colour exhibition.

Considering LeWitt’s considerable stature, it’s curious to consider that the artist also remained press-shy. Curator David Moos of the AGO agrees: “He never did public lectures, and was never a rabid self-promoter.”

Rather, Moos — who worked with the artist on a number of occasions — insists that the work is of such a caliber that there was little need for excess promotion.

Moos explains that this is also part and parcel of LeWitt’s strong artistic philosophy. “So many artists have to be out there, selling their work, networking, being generally social, but [LeWitt] never operated that way.

“1960s Minimalism was a launch-pad from which LeWitt developed his work, but he was also one of the most popular artists who effectively removed his work from his own personality and persona. As much as his work is about process, so too we see the work being absent from the artist’s own personality.” Logically, declining interviews and distinctly lacking public eccentricities would be part of that equation.

Logic and rhythm were also essential components of LeWitt’s work, as Moos explains. “He was very rational in his approach to every piece, especially as it related to his work at both the AGO and Pearson Airport.

“Equally intriguing were his ideas of free-association, however, as he also created work in processes that involved several professionals after an idea had been conceived,” says Moos about the manner in which LeWitt’s wall paintings were applied, and at the AGO’s Swing Space in particular.

“Pieces were often for a team of artists to complete, many of whom had worked with LeWitt before…. making his ideas that much more radical,” Moos adds. “When he began these sorts of endeavors in the ’60s, the idea of a painter was still applying oil, with a brush, on a piece of canvas.”

And in many instances, it still is. But as compelling as the Swing Space work is both as a process and a finished piece, it too is temporary. The installation will remain only until the current gallery/building renovations are complete.

This is where one can find the context in which LeWitt’s work remains truly timeless: it may be conceived again, without the artist present, in a different space, should an institution acquire the rights to do so. The artist specifications survive, and so too do the individuals that worked with him so closely to ensure their execution. So conceivably, LeWitt works can continue to be installed according to his specifications for years to come. And while art history always mourns the loss of a giant, this last, subtle gesture wins as the most profound.

Knock Knock, 2007

2011-07-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

Knock Knock
12 Burnfield
Curated by Silke Schnellhardt
feat. artists Jon Sasaki, Seth Scriver, Ken McKerrow, and Jeremy Bailey

Originally published at EyeWeekly.com

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Titled after the set of most annoying jokes the history of time, the weekend art expose Knock Knock employed humour in ways that more than redeemed itself from its all-to-familiar title.

Including performances by Jon Sasaki and Jeremy Bailey, this show took place as a weekend exhibition at 12 Burnfield in the home of curator Silke Schnellhardt. The show’s motivations succeeded on many a level including work that engaged the audience outside of a rudimentary gallery space.

The employment of clichés can often be excused if one has the insight to hire them to explore new territory. This was certainly the case in the work exhibited by artists Jon Sasaki, Seth Scriver, Ken McKerrow, and Jeremy Bailey.

The evening started off on dizzying note as Sasaki’s performance took place in the back yard. While the audience viewed, “Safety Last” a film in which a man bravely climbs a twelve-storey building, Sasaki resolved to climb up one storey of the house in twelve “death defying” rounds. The final (and twelfth) entrance into the second floor window included a polished somersault into the bedroom above. Sasaki’s work was also featured in the kitchen. In a poorly paced voice, the computer recited a collection of Meta and Anti Jokes, designed to extract maximum wincing from the audience.

A performance by Jeremy Bailey, unknown to many at the time, was simultaneously taking place and intensified as the opening continued. “It was very difficult for me to keep a straight face during his performance” remarked Schnellhardt of Bailey’s “drunk” behavior, “but that only made it more enjoyable, knowing that people honestly didn’t know what to make of it at first.” Bailey’s performance continued in his maudlin makeup and striped art-uniform shirt for quite some time, falling into both people and the garden furniture. Schnellhardt was clearly pleased with the social awkwardness the situation brought forth, something that is always difficult to pull of convincingly in a jury of your peers.

Inside the abode, the viewers had to get down on the floor to watch Seth Scriver’s animated rat in action, dutifully playing a guitar and staking his claim in the wall space.

More works by Sasaki, Bailey, and McKerrow, could also be found inside, including an odd audio piece by the latter that spoke to you while you were on the toilet.

The use of humor in art, Schnellhardt writes, is often ignored in much contemporary discourse and academic writing, and has historically been dismissed by popular intellectuals. Hopefully though, with more shows of this nature, humour and humorous artwork can be considered just as valuable a process in revealing a meaningful gesture. It also succeeds in setting itself apart from the sterile notion that ideas should be dismissed in our visual vocabulary simply because they seem so immediately appealing.

Knock Knock took place May 25-27 at 12 Burnfield.

Jeff Adams, 2007

2011-07-04T11:55:00.000-07:00

Jeff Adams

Originally published in Eye Weekly.com, City, 2007

“You wouldn’t apply the same sentence to J-walking and, say, murder,” says Jeff Adams in relation to the suspension handed him by the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sport (CCES), “But in a way, that’s what it feels like. The sentence handed down to me was far too severe.”

The suspension in question was the result of a test stating that there was a presence of metabolites in his sample. However, the drug in question, cocaine, was only present in the catheter, marking the first time in Canada that an athlete has been suspended from play when the drug has not actually been present in his system at the time of the test.

When asked if he thought the CCES was trying to make an example out of him, he simply shook his head, “I really don’t know, but they’ve certainly put me through an extremely difficult time. Thinking past myself, I hope I can be an effective example for other athletes.” However, that doesn’t make his present situation easier, or even more believable.

“I know the story of the actual contamination is strange,” he confessed, “but that’s what actually happened. I could make another story up, something more (superficially) plausible, but I’m sticking to this one. It’s the absolute truth.”

The story in question that Adams maintains was the reason for the catheter happened last year at the now-closed Vatikan bar, the current spot of Vogue nightclub. Adams contends that during the night he was speaking to several people and enjoying an evening out with friends. Like any club, it was dark, but he spoke to various people throughout the evening, including a girl who insisted on sitting down with him to talk.

“Now, I knew this girl was using (coke), but she actually seemed sweet. People tend to want to talk to me when I’m in a wheelchair anyway…” Like a sort of forced empathy? I suggested. “Exactly! And it’s fine to a certain point, but with this woman in particular, the conversation was getting a bit much.”

After trying to back out of the situation gracefully, citing that he was tired and wanted to end the conversation, she got offended. “And then I had to back-peddle and apologize. I thought I had offended her.” The woman’s solution was to force cocaine into his mouth to help him wake up, so to speak.

“And as bizarre as that sounds,” Adams explains, “that’s exactly what happened. I guess in this woman’s mind, she thought she was somehow helping me wake up. I don’t think she really understood what she was doing.”

The CCES later questioned him as to why he didn’t call the police when he found out what the substance was, “I don’t know her, and I haven’t seen her since the incident. And besides, why would I want to create more trouble for somebody I don’t know? It’s my issue now, and I’m just trying to deal with the outcome as best I can.”

When he gave a urine sample for the CCES, the trouble began.

“First test A comes back, and then you get your funding taken away,” Adams continued, “and that’s actually based on inconclusive evidence. It’s not like a regular judicial system. As soon as the first test (of two) is submitted, you’re already assumed guilty.”

In terms of the validity of the second test, Adams verifies that there was dispute over a “mathematical problem” cited by the CCES. They made what Adams cites only as a “mathematical error,” (also a term used by the Centre) on the second test. It was then resubmitted to their labs for reanalysis, and only then were the results found to have a positive presence of metabolites.

It’s just one of many inconsistencies in the CCES statements and findings over the past couple of weeks. “If the first test was initially an error than what else have we yet to find out?” Adams concludes, “The entire process is done internally, within the organization.”

This includes no outside arbitration, testing, or support. And in fact, after test A was concluded, Adams said he was given a strange document entitled, “I Tested Positive?” which advises athletes that find themselves in the same circumstance to go to the CCES immediately and tell them what happened. Absent is the advice to lawyer-up, which Adams did only after presenting his story to the CCES.

He found out later that the author of the document, David Letch, is also an arbitrator for the CCES. In short, there is no chance for external intervention or perspective. They test, they advise, they prosecute, and they sentence. They have the power to do all of these things if an athlete is found to have a positive sample.

Adams cites dismay at their treatment of athletes in general. Even athletes who have problems aren’t treated with respect. “Nobody is given counseling, there’s no mechanism in place that would actually provide anybody with support. It’s just kicking them to the curb when they should be helped.”

Adams is remaining positive, however, citing that he hopes that he can be an example of how the Charter of Rights and Freedoms should play into the Ethics in Sport code.

“Currently, they do not recognize the Charter. If they did, the major difference would have been me not being suspended until the test results were conclusive.” Adams also believes that there would be room for more third party intervention. “The Government of Canada needs to have an active roll. They fund the CCES, but they don’t make it hold up basic rights?”

“But if I can help bring those rights to the table,” he adds, “that will be more important than anything I’ve ever done on the track. This is about athletes taking either a two-year hit, or a reprimand. There’s no in-between. The rules have to be changed.”

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Since this article was published, Adams launched an appeal of his two year suspension. The Court of Arbitration for Sport in Lausanne, Switzerland found that he could not be held responsible for what was deemed an assault on the night in question. Find out more about Adams' struggle and career here.

Images from cbc.ca.

Doors Open, 2007

2011-07-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Grandeur, Grace, and Repairs

Although the Jack Layton endorsed fundraiser for St. Stephens-in-the-Fields certainly helped, this parish has a long way to go before it can truly declare itself out of harms way. Condo development’s harms way, that is. Their on-going community initiatives, however, are still going strong, including their seasonal out-of-the-cold initiative and their community breakfasts that take place every weekend. The room in which the breakfasts are held (the west wing) also happens to be the oldest part of the building that survived the fire of 1865. All other portions were added in the proceeding decades.

Light fractured by the intricate stained glass windows on the parish’s east side falls on their most impressive feature: the Ryder Pipe Organ. This piece has a compelling history on its own, having been acquired from another Toronto church and installed to its current placement in 1906. If you want to hear it in action, you’ll have to drop by as organ masters Ross Trant and Robbie Beaumont will be having a go at it during Saturday and Sunday respectively.

“Garth Hudson wanted to have a go at it…” laughs the parish’s Sexton Jim Sutherland, “but as an instrument, it’s terribly unreliable. Beautiful, but unreliable.” Sutherland also mentioned that Daniel Langlois was involved in attempting to use the chapel for its acoustic niceties, but that plan too fell through when it was realized the organ couldn’t be played on a constant basis. “It’s worth the wait though,” Sutherland adds, “It’s a very impressive instrument.”

With any luck, enough interest will be generated in the space to prevent St. Stephen’s from having to sell. Maintenance is obviously key, and one can only hope that it won’t fall victim to what appears to be this municipality’s trend of neglect-and -demolition.

Bonus Trivia: Any wonder why it’s called “In the Fields”? When it was built, it was situated in a, well, a field. The church was at the end of a path that led to University Avenue. Yep, it was a country church. Yee-haw.

Also in Need of a Tune-Up:

The Church of the Redeemer celebrates 119 years of gracing the corner of Bloor and Avenue Rd with its elegant, stone structure. It too has a pipe-organ and the impressive stained glass, but something I always found peculiar about this building was the pulpit. It features a sculpted wooden panel, commonly refered to as a “reflector” or “canopy” that forms a kind-of halo behind the orator’s head, gently bends towards the congregation before him, much like the curve of a speaker. This is old-fashioned acoustics at work, and while the church now has an electrified sound system, it’s a treat to see an instrument such as this still on display.

This church remains unique also in its choice as a venue for many a musician. The likes of Bjork, Emily Haines, and the Great Lake Swimmers have all used it as a place to hold rock and roll court.

Sadly, this church is in need of a few repairs as well, and has also started an initiative to raise awareness about its structure and plans for its future.

Grace is the Word

Don’t forget to check out the Hare Krishna Temple, north on Avenue if you’re still in the neighbourhood. Other venues of interest include St. Michael’s Cathedral on Bond, St. Paul’s Basilica on Power, or going north up to Sheppard to visit Toronto’s “greenest” church, St Gabriel’s Passionist Parish.

Where do we go when we die, Mommy?

Well dear, wherever you go, do it in style. The Toronto Necropolis, Chapel and Crematorium is part of Toronto’s finest in the business of that particular inevitability. The leaves are out, so take a pleasant stroll through their grounds which dip into Rosedale Valley, part of the beauty of the west bank of the Don River. The gorgeous chapel (on a hill!) at the ground’s entrance boasts a High Victorian Gothic design with the Crematorium below.

Also: Visit the Distillery District tunnels at Building 35. The stores up top may seem a bit frou-frou, but don’t let that deceive you. These underground curiosities are open exclusively for Doors Open, so get going.

“And the award for the best-place-where-you’ll-get-slapped-with-a-hefty-fine-if-you-visit-on-any-other-day goes to…”

For all those transit lovers, here’s your chance to have a look at the long-abandoned Lower Bay Station, located, you guessed it, just below one closer to ground level. For those of you who took the Bloor line when the TTC was in repairing mode earlier this year, you might remember that some of the trains ran through, but didn’t stop at this station. I was in transit bliss to be able to see the station, even from the train’s windows. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember what transit looked like before the TTC started selling their wall space, but here’s your chance. Not an ad in sight. And if you want to see where all those cars are repaired, take a jaunt up Bathurst to the TTC Harvey Shops. This one-story piece of masonry glory will perhaps assist your appreciation of public transit complexities.

And speaking of horses…

Make sure you stop in to one of Toronto’s finest small presses, Coach House Books, located behind the street-front properties on Huron. It hasn’t been used as an actual coach house since the 1940s, but it’s still a great place to visit if you want to see where the draft dodgers slept, or where Michael Ondaatje drops in when he has a minute to catch up with the long-time, devoted staff.

If buildings aren’t really your thing, get yourself down to Queen’s Quay and take a walk along the docks. There’ll you’ll find the last of the Queen’s fleet, the Empire Sandy. Built in England and used in the Second World War, this ship has served in the North Atlantic, the Indian Ocean, and the Mediterranean. It’s also the cause of some understandable envy within the Spadina Quay docks. It won’t be in action for Doors Open, but once it sets sail, it’s impressive to watch, and entirely worth an extra visit to the docks to see it happen.

On land, but also boat-related is the Queen’s Wharf Lighthouse, located past the west end of Queen’s Quay on Fleet Street. Along with St. Stephen’s, this too can boast an age older than our country’s constitution. Built in 1861, this joins the proud but few remnants of the Toronto that saw Tom Thumb impress astonished crowds and witnessed Jenny Lind perform to packed audiences.

Make sure you check out the St. Lawrence Hall on King Street. Now a venue for music video and television shoots, this building was not exclusive to the beautiful voices and the little people. It also housed meetings of the Anti-Slavery Society of Canada. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

June Callwood vs Belinda Stranach, 2007

2011-07-04T11:32:00.000-07:00

Originally an Eye Weekly editorial, 2007.

----

That's Enough, Belinda.

As we see the cheap tactics of Stronach hog the spotlight in what we hope is her political curtain call, we can’t help but consider other women that are more worthy; both of our attention and of the feminist moniker. This week, we’re in need of a better example, and preferably one without the advantage of the silver spoon.

Enter: The Honourable June Callwood (1924-2007)

As she stated this past March in one her last public appearances at the Jane Mallet Theatre, “If you see an injustice being committed, you aren't an observer, you’re a participant… you can’t pretend that you aren’t a part of what’s happening in front of you.”

This statement referred primarily to social injustice against which she fought over her decades-long career. However, for the sake of comparison, let us adopt a wider interpretation and refer it to Callwood’s own initiative to become a respected public figure. This initiative included leaving her modest beginnings in small-town Ontario to become a reporter for the Globe and Mail at the age of eighteen, all of this in spite of never having received a formal education.

The pressures and tribulations of any professional woman indeed are noteworthy. When you model your career as being a feminist and a champion for the less fortunate, name-calling and accusations are also part of the equation. It didn’t make Callwood’s efforts any less complicated, but her treatment, however unfair it may have been, was never a road-show, and never an excuse for complaints.

Callwood’s career wasn’t just another model of success and charity, but the very figure in modern Canadian history against which all examples can arguably be set. Called everything from a “racist” to a “nuisance” she handled it with grace and professionalism, from which anyone can learn. Contemporary political figures, of course, are no exception. So we say: respect well deserved. (Exit Stronach.)

Kristen Roos: Brand New Ghosts

2011-06-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

Article catchup!

From time to time, I'll post articles here that have previously existed in print. This essay is from the Newfoundland Sound Symposium's exhibtion catalogue in conjunction with Kristen Roos' work The Micro Radio Project.

Kristen Roos: Brand New Ghosts

The basic human need to feel sound as opposed to be treated to a passive, treble-inflicted listen can be observed most often at the afternoon rush hour. Regardless of the tune, the almost unbearable levels of bass and vibration leave the passengers of these tiny mobile discos lost amidst a common yet indispensable catharsis.

Sound Artist Kristen Roos manages a more ambient and sophisticated approach to bringing this kind of visceral sound to the masses. Through public installations like 2007’s Nuit Blanche project, Roos presented this primal urge to turn our equalizer presets up to ten with added subterranean intrigue.

One warm autumn evening saw thousands rushing down several flights of stairs underground to the Lower Bay “Ghost” Station of the Toronto subway system. At the bottom, they found a dimly lit stretch of the abandoned line with a string of subterranean cars parked on either side. Equipped with internal subwoofers, they became grand alloy whales washed up on the tracks, booming and vibrating from within to an unsettling degree.

Already made familiar by our own stories of hauntings, the abandoned venue had a healthy injection of new life and meaning to its history. Amidst the rattle of the tactile transducers vibrating nuts and bolts to simulate construction noise, there was no discernable melody, just the impression of pattern and repetition with supernatural components. That is to say, the piece not only referenced the evocation of the supernatural by way of Zimbabwean tribal rhythms, an on-going inspiration in Roos’ work, but very much seemed haunted in and of itself. A brand new haunting, as it were.

One doesn’t so much observe Roos’ work as encounter it. These audio experimentations go beyond intriguing into the realm of necessity. Effectively, the specificity of the installation quickly sidesteps “art observed” to deftly become “art universal”.

For my Spacing review of Kristen Roos' Nuit Blanche project in the Lower Bay subway station in Toronto, click here.

Parkdale Film and Video Showcase

2011-06-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

Another screening for the Island Tourist next week complete with a freshly composed audio track.

Parkdale Film and Video Showcase

Screening Under the Stars

June 25, 2011

9pm - onwards

PWYC

One Minute Film and Video Festival

2011-04-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who came out last week to support the One Minute Film and Video Festival! And also for laughing at the appropriate moments...

All quiet on the homefront...

2011-02-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

TUFF 2010 - Sept 10-19th

2010-09-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

More Gaming and Tourism work will be shown next week on the TTC screen for TUFF 2010. For more festival info and a complete schedule of films, visit the TUFF site. See you on the subway!

Greatest Show on Earth! Images Up!

2010-07-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

Images from the Petite Menagerie exhibited at Xpace are up on the site now. Plus, some new headers (nips) and logos (tucks) for your viewing pleasure.

Love,

CT

Greatest Show on Earth: July 2nd

2010-06-19T14:39:00.001-07:00

Xpace's The Greatest Show on Earth! starts July 3rd, and ends with the closing party on July 23rd, 2010.

The Gaming and Tourism Commission will be showcasing the "Petite Menagerie" in response to the theme of circus, camp, freakiness, and curiosity.

New article for Magenta Mag

2010-05-25T00:37:00.001-07:00

Photo courtesy of Jessica Bradley Art and Projects. Jason McClean 2009. Source: http://www.jessicabradleyartprojects.com/artists/jason/image?image_id=340

Find out why I don't dig art + lightbulbs in my most recent article over at Magenta Magazine. Actually... stand alone light bulbs aren't that bad...

http://www.magentamagazine.com/3/reviews/jason-mclean

Mason House Install

2010-05-10T02:20:00.001-07:00

Thanks to everyone who made it out in the last snow (?) of the season to join us for the party! More install shots to come, but here's some of the works in progress...

Upcoming!

2010-04-15T01:03:00.000-07:00

Just a quick Centaur update to announce a couple of new shows. First, I'm busily working away on new pieces for the exhibition, "The House that Masons Built" opening Saturday May 8th, 2010.

There will be new and past work exhibited, including the "faux fire" from the "8bit domestic" series. Curated by Melissa Koziebrocki, the Mason show will feature a top to bottom installation in the house at Bathurst and Lawrence. More details to follow!

There will be more info on the Xpace exhibit "The Greatest Show on Earth!" very soon as well.

Love, CT.

New NYSAT Interview

2010-02-27T11:08:00.001-08:00

Photo courtesy of NYSAT

A follow-up to my interview in May, I've once again queried about the on-going NYSAT project with Jordan Seiler. Check out that art of civil protest within the NYC city limits...

Magenta Mag - Second Edition Now Online!

2010-02-13T11:08:00.001-08:00

Image: Nicholas Aoki, good night; sweet hearts, courtesy of Narwhal Projects

Be sure to check out this edition of Magenta Mag for my new article about Nicholas Aoki's show at Narwhal Art Projects in Toronto. Nicholas paints one sweet painting.

Tomorrow on Ossington

2009-11-26T12:32:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow evening (6-9pm) marks the opening of Photorama at Gallery TPW! Our very own M'elk (from M'elk Empathy Month) will be present for the evening.

Tomorrow: Canzine at the Gladstone

2009-10-31T14:16:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow, I'll be setting up shop at Hotel Canzine at the Gladstone Hotel. Come say hi!

M'elk on Empathy, Bank on Art - Oct 6 - 12th, 2009

2009-10-02T00:50:00.001-07:00

Image: The M'elk weeps for his Antelope brethren: M'elk, Union Station, Digital Photograph, 2009.

Bank on Art will be flashing you GTC's sweet baby M'elk next week as they kick off their next round of digital displays at Queen and Shaw.

Baby Centaur's First Reading - Montreal

2009-09-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Better than my first karaoke...

Joyland saw a packed house at the Green Room, Montreal this past Monday (Sept 21/09) for the start of their tour of three North American cities. I had the pleasure of being part of the lineup with some of Toronto and Montreal's finest, including our gracious host David McGimpsey. I read a new short, Modern Babies, to a wonderfully attentive crowd.

Read more about it here, including how a poor fella fell through a trap door while serving Brian some water. I turned around just in time to see his hands disappear underneath the floor.

Next stop (though this girl is almost back in Toronto, now) is tonight at KGB, NYC.

TUFF - Toronto Urban Film Festival

2009-09-12T17:42:00.000-07:00

More from Gaming and Tourism:

Toronto Urban Film Festival
One Minute Films on the TTC
Sept 11th - September 18th, 2009
On all LCD Subway Platform Screens, Toronto

A new short, Mr. Swan: Swansea will be screened on the last day of the festival as part of the "Trinity Square Video" category.

M'elk Does Summer Ennui

2009-07-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

New Mondo: Steve Laurie

2009-06-29T19:44:00.001-07:00

New Mondo, New Machinery, New Projects by Steve Laurie.

“A friend of mine and I were sitting on the sidewalk one day,” artist Steven Laurie explains, “and wondering out loud what it would take for people who didn’t typically talk about art to be compelled to come into a gallery or be interested in a contemporary art show.”

The possibilities often seem stunted by the fairly insular environments that many art communities tend to foster. This is equally perpetuated by design or lack of funds, and a conundrum that many artists choose, understandably, not to address when creating work, especially when it pertains to those exhibiting in galleries. Typically one would choose to have art appear in spaces that specifically appeal to those of the local “known” and “cultured” audience (who are assumed to want to attend a show), versus those who never typically show interest, but might if they felt compelled (those we assume may never attend).

Click for full interview here.

GTC (hearts) TTC

2009-05-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

Also view the project in higher resolution on the Contacting Toronto site.

May 25th, Contact Photography Festival on the Subway Platforms

2009-05-06T16:37:00.001-07:00

Save the date: Monday May 25th, 2009 is the day the Gaming and Tourism Commission will request a moment of your time to consider the plight of the much maligned (but still dignified) M'elk.

*Blogger in Technicolor - Wonder at the amazement of file conversion. To see the image unaltered by Google, please go here.

Illegal Signs, NYC Edition!

2009-05-05T02:34:00.000-07:00

Just finished an interview with Jordan Seiler about his 120-billboard project in NYC. Read all about that here.

*Colonial Williamsburg by Maya Huyuk, 2009

Preview!

2009-04-24T01:28:00.001-07:00

Contact Toronto, 2009.

site updates = site updates

2009-04-14T22:51:00.000-07:00

More images from the As Is show can be found here.

As Is Until April 18th Pt 2.

2009-04-10T02:17:00.000-07:00

Weekends (x2)! April 11th + 18th, 2009!!

2009-04-09T01:01:00.000-07:00

Two more weekends to view the new work at As Is. 12-4pm.

Vini Vidi O @ The Khyber (NS)

2009-04-09T00:59:00.000-07:00

Another Vini Vidi O, this time at The Khyber in Halifax, NS on March 28, 2009.

As Is Until April 18th.

2009-04-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

The Nightmare Shortly Proceeding Christmas

2008-12-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

Mondo and I have decided that we still dig Bruce LaBruce:

"I had my first LaBruce when I was about sixteen or so. Being an out-of-town girl made the big city rags seem more exciting than perhaps they should ever be given credit. Eye Weekly, at the time, was just such a rag. The writers were inspirationally bitchy, the back page adverts were shocking, and the contents nothing short of remarkable to this impressionable then-country dweller..."

>>keep reading

"Cute, Weird War", Gladstone Hotel (upArt 2008)

2008-10-16T02:28:00.000-07:00

Cute, Weird War, auto paint, pine, 2008, dimensions vary, 2008.

More installation shots here.

upArt 2008 - pt2 - New Postcard Multiple

2008-09-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

Image: He Pows Clouds, 2008, pen and ink (new edition - 1/250)

upArt 2008 - Including Baby Centaur's New Work

2008-09-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

More Mondo: The Poster Show III

2008-09-20T01:11:00.000-07:00

We want it, we need it, we require me repeating it a billion times over.

Mister Mondo TeeVee

2008-09-16T03:19:00.000-07:00

A quick note to mention that television has one more snippy reviewer in its midst. I'm terribly chuffed also that I get such a lovely introduction from the folks at Mondo.

"It’s always a nice surprise when a show with a strong following is successful year after year. Equally so, it’s a disappointment when crap television remains inexplicably in the mainstream for seasons on end.

Currently, there is no Canadian (hell, no North American) counterpart to Nevermind the Buzzcocks, about to enter its 22nd season on BBC this fall. And considering the abysmal pace at which our country’s programming drones along, I can’t imagine there ever being anything close to its equal on this side of the pond..."

>>continue reading

Happy (Un)Birthday, Mr Strummer

2008-08-22T19:40:00.000-07:00

Album scan - Story of the Clash (cassette) signed, "To Carolyn, Joe Strummer" 1998

Joe Strummer (John Graham Mellor, 1952-2002) would have celebrated his 56th birthday today. It seemed prudent to mark the occasion, so I decided to unearth some of my personal Clash memorabilia from years past.

Initially, I wasn't entirely sure what to do in terms of remarks, however. There's nothing I could possibly say about the man that hasn't been scribed on a hundred other blogs, journals, and music publications over the past three decades. However, as impressive as his legacy was, there was always something even the gawky, wide-eyed (teenaged) me never failed to appreciate: He looked you right in the eye and took his sweet time chatting and signing records.

Al Kapranos is the only other musician/rock star type I can call to mind who has rivaled Strummer's consistently polite candour, but you know, he was younger and more fresh when we last crossed paths. We'll do another post in 10 years and see if he's still that cheerful, eh?

Album scan - London Calling, The Clash (cd) signed, "To Carolyn, Joe Strummer" 1999

The Centaur Company

2008-08-08T00:58:00.001-07:00

I would have named the blog after this, had I but known. Still, we'll stick to the plain old rodeo.

Loving Me, Loving You.

2008-07-26T02:17:00.000-07:00

We're back again with more art reviews from the depths of Ossington. You can check out the show (last day today!) but it's oh, so much better if you read my remarks previous so as to adopt my favourites as your own.

"I've always had problems with the smorgasbord. So much so, in fact, that when I was younger, I refused to eat anything that wasn't a

particular colour for weeks on end..."

And the actual art:

"We're launched into geometric wonder with the work of Jay Wilson and Lauren Nurse who exhibit sculpture and geometric prints respectively. Nurse's shapes remind me of delightful globular hives, as though there was a meeting in the colony, and every bee finally decided the world was no longer flat..."

>>continue reading

Newfoundland Sound Symposium

2008-06-28T19:14:00.000-07:00

More words, more sounds...

In the spirit of the article I wrote for artist Kristen Roos' (BC) sound installation of yesteryear, I've written an essay for Eastern Edge Gallery's portion of this year's Sound Symposium (NFLD).

----------------------------------------

From "Brand New Ghosts" 2008:

"The basic human need to feel sound as opposed to be treated to a passive, treble-inflicted listen can be observed most often at the afternoon rush hour. Regardless of the tune, the almost unbearable levels of bass and vibration leave the passengers of these tiny mobile discos lost amidst a common yet indispensable catharsis..."

>>continue reading

Sex-On-The-Mediterranean-Beach

2008-06-20T06:05:00.000-07:00

Bust out your tiny pink umbrellas, girls... It's time for some more fresh-squeezed tropical-type drinks.... A New Pineapple Review!

This one includes Lebanese car bombs, educational error, 1812, and a conversation I had with a girl from Buffalo when I was about 15-years-old. I almost devoted an entire paragraph to Amy Winehouse, but you know, I can't pull these things out of my ass. It kind of seemed apropo of nothing.

Karaoke Starpower

2008-06-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

I'd like to make an official plea to Fumihiro Hayashi:

I'm thinking you should record an album's worth of Dylan covers. Tell me how that wouldn't work.

Paper Doll Pineapple

2008-05-23T01:52:00.001-07:00

New from the Mondo Pineapple corner...
"Paper Dolls" by Liana Schmidt!
Check out the subtleties of the cut-out... There are more than I had originally anticipated.

Interwebsite.

2008-05-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

While still under construction, trippcar.com is back in the business of updating itself with new work, including the back catalogue of a billion random projects. For now, we have drawings and illos and stuff.

Enjoy.

Heaping Plate of Machos

2008-05-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

The latest addition to the Pineapple Review: TEAM MACHO! I've reviewed their terrific book of yesteryear: Fancy Action Now. Enjoy.

"High Five for Expressing Ourselves..."

2008-05-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

Rejoice, you have a new way to make fun of me each and every week...

The Pineapple Review is the newest endeavour into artish writing. But why pineapple? Cos when you Google the bugger, it's the first hit, that's why.*

"Every week, we highlight the best in art-ish printed matter. Pretty much anything on book or in paper is fine and juicy by us. And difficult to eat. But oh, so tasty."

There were a couple of reviews preceding this, but the first official installment is the Book of Shrigley. Enjoy!

*Well, it used to be until I found out that there was some Pineapple Ballroom in Port Stanley..... Bastards....

Ms Canadian Roomate 1.0

2008-04-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm certain everybody has annoying roommate stories, but I bet you can't top a Nova Scotian Roman Catholic* Winnie the Pooh Fanatic. All of these things can be counted in the "just fine" category on their own, or even together in moderation, but full on, all the time, it's kind of terrifying.

...There were, however, several attempts by yours truly to inject some humour into what very quickly became an extremely uncomfortable living situation.

This involved several small stunts that went generally unnoticed, but once we had an excess of microwaves. I stacked them so they would look pretty (pictured). It was one of my best in-home installations and it was promptly dismantled the next day without anyone uttering a single syllable. (I'll swear that passive aggression is like some sort of epidemic in this town.)

*I only mentioned this because she cooked fish every Friday and never gave me any. I may be a dirty heathen, but I still like nicely cooked atlantic salmon

WDLRD?

2008-04-15T19:58:00.001-07:00

Does anyone remember Little Richard being on Baywatch? Am I wrong? I couldn't find him on IMDB, but I'm so sure it was him.

He played a bartender who made sexy cocktails, but his character was annoying as hell. Basically, he has trumped Ronald MacDonald in my archive of irritating childhood memories.

When You're Summer Bored Circa 2006

2008-04-05T21:05:00.000-07:00

The Bathurst Pigeon Progression

This special little guy fell off the roof of the Bathurst Theatre just south of Bloor. Follow his progress three days hence.

Day One:

Day Two:

...and Day Three:

Ms Random Task 3.0

2008-04-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

My final catering gig was at Timothy Eaton Memorial Church on St Clair Ave. It's much larger than its facade might boast, and I'm pretty sure the congregation is rich like filthy. In as far as Places for Prayer Solace go in the city are concerned, this one is totally pimped.

The occasion was a rather solemn and teary funeral for a thrill-seeking son of a wealthy family. He apparently passed away whilst on vacation somewhere, but I never got the full story. Everybody was being too proper about it. The pews were absolutely packed for the service with a line-up past the staircase to get into the reception hall.

As luck would have it, there was also a gut-wrenching stomach virus making the rounds not only our fair city, but in that very building. The piles of food and debris left in the wake of the mourners makes me nervous enough about picking up something nasty, but a couple of hours into the festivities, Public Embarrassment 101 took place in the far corner.

Mercifully I was on the other side of the room when the actual expongeance took place, but quite suddenly a gentleman vomited in a rather abrupt and violent fashion all over the floor. He made a hasty exit through the door behind him.

I worked a double and passed out on my friend's couch, only to feel dreadful the following morning. After a few minutes of tossing and turning - WAM - I turned my head in time to completely cover their living room floor in my partially digested dinner. Only you know this time, there was no janitorial staff. Just a very flustered, sleep-deprived me with a mop and a decades-old bottle of Pine Sol.

Do I miss catering? No I do not.

Ms Random Task 2.0

2008-03-25T14:46:00.000-07:00

The Racist Bar Mitzvah

Scheduled to do a catering gig in the north end of the city, a bunch of us carpooled to the event with some reluctance. Our latest quandary was a Bar Mitzvah of little 13-year-old Avi. His parents were celebrating the dawn of his manhood with indoor carnival games leading up to the main hall, a bar made of ice with small basketballs suspended therein, sweet cocktails that the children stole off of the roaming waiter's trays, vats of diabetic-coma-inducing candy, basketball-shaped topiaries constructed of orange roses as centre-pieces of each of the tables for the five hundred guests, and a dance floor designed to resemble a professional basketball court, complete with a scoreboard upon which the little man's name flashed.

With jaws dropping at the decor that met our eyes on the way to the kitchen area, all staff were immediately instructed to wear basketball jersies of little Avi's favourite teams. Agreements were begrudging at best. A server is a mascot anyway, any way you slice it. It seems however, that there are more tasteful ways of treating the staff (my costume for the AGOs Massive Party notwithstanding).

As the guests arrived and we circulated with our various duties, I was placed on hors d'oeuvres and others took their places behind the bar. There was way too much food, and on my third pass nobody wanted anything any more. I repeatedly came back to the kitchen with full trays. We were over staffed, but it had been made clear to us that everybody was to "look like they were working". My wrists were beginning to regret taking the shift.

Then I began to stand more, waiting for people to come to me. And that's when I noticed them. Large men were standing alone in the corners of the main bar room, their eyes surveying the crowd of tipsy adults and their little sugar fiends. These men didn't speak to anyone. They were clearly hired help, made all the more apparent by their referee uniforms. "What are they here for?" I asked a passing waiter. "They're the baby-sitters." He said, barely glancing at them before slipping behind the service curtain with his tray of empty glasses.

I stared at one of them. And then my eyes went to the next, and then the next. They were all black. My initial reaction was to place shame on whomever had done the hiring. But then again, hired help is hired help, and who cares? I thought to myself that my thoughts were largely symptomatic of the white guilt I've heard about in subsequent years, made hilarious by 30 Rock and The Chappelle Show.

Dinner began without much change. After the ridiculous amount of candied booze and appetizers, barely anybody wanted the three course meal planned for them. As half of the crowd was children, I've got to wonder who needed a three courser, anyway. I remember being ecstatic when one of my friend's dad's bought us Happy Meals at McDonald's. I guess I grew up in the wrong income bracket. But seriously, kids don't know the real value of things are are pretty easily pleased. "Why go to all this trouble? This is a waste." I thought. And then it happened.

Somehow the boy of the hour had slipped away from the head table. After dessert was cleared the spot lights on the dance floor were illuminated and trumpets from the ample sound system erupted in a chorus befitting a Rocky Balboa tribute. Everybody cheered and my coworkers and I watched from the side lines as little Avi, the little prince, emerged from the curtains at the back of the stage.

He wasn't alone. With a huge grin on his face, he was sitting on top of a basketball shaped plush chair. A kid who loved his desserts, Avi couldn't be very light either, so he had to be supported. By four of the men carrying his chair like slaves would a litter in the streets of Cairo. I could sense the jaws of the staff who "got it" dropping across the room, but the guests found it most spectacular.

The trumpets faded away and the DJ put on the every popular "Havah Negilah," for the traditional birthday chair bounce. While extremely comical (and I'm sad my family doesn't have this kind of thing at special occasions) it was a pretty gross site to behold. There were the "baby-sitters" bouncing little Avi, who was surely that night the most oblivious and spoiled boy in town.

Perhaps it was coincidence that all the gentlemen were of (one) colour, and perhaps the boy just happened to have a smug look of satisfaction on his face, but the whole scene just wasn't right. I stood there with a pitcher of water, mouth agap. The age of political correctness seemed to be long-passed in that dining hall, as if it had come full circle to where racial stereotypes and lack of sensitvity were again, back into the realm of acceptability. Whatever the case may be, I still wish I had a camera on me. I still shed tears for the missed opportunity.

We ran from the event as soon as they began to cut staff. Nobody seemed to want to stay in the creep fest that was sure to be the world's worse sugar hangover for those involved. I did manage to steal some candy before I left, however. The kids can't have all the fun...

Asian Packaging 2.0

2008-03-18T13:23:00.000-07:00

This time, from a package of food-shaped erasers. Enjoy your time.

Ms Random Task 1.0

2008-03-10T06:27:00.000-07:00

While I've by no means held the shittiest jobs imaginable in our fair city, the majority of them haven't been exactly dynamite. This is especially true when they're remotely related to odd catering gigs in downtown buildings. Here, I decided to document a few of those happenings. While these are mostly for posterity, they also exist to remind myself not to take them on so often. In either case, one was as follows.

_____________________________________

The merciful thing about the odd catering job is that sometimes things so out of the ordinary occur that they entirely make up for all the hours you thought you lost to ennui.

One day a couple of Januaries ago, I had the dullard task of greeting people by the main entrance of the Design Xchange on Bay Street. It was some weird little diplomat/business function, mostly attended by men in terrible expensive suits who don't look anybody serving them in the eye.

I was standing for a good half hour with (practically) no entertainment (save the occaisional older man with a heavy french accent trying to flirt with me*) when something quite head fucky happened to cross my path.

Quite suddenly I heard the padding of feet behind me. You know, kind of like in a shower. It seemed strangely out of place, and not something you tend to hear in a hallway of any sort, much less the one of a public establishment. The footfalls echoed curiously for a couple of seconds before I realized that they were approaching me at a rather alarming rate.

I turned around to see a wet, sweaty man running past the main desk (at the time, just around the corner behind me) and making a break for the door. He was fat and terribly ill equiped to do whatever he had set out to accomplish. Apparently whatever he was trying to get at was by pretty dubious means, and plus, he had no shirt on. That's right. He almost looked more wet that way, cos his backhair was all slicked to his skin like some feline combed after a bath. He was also quite short. Almost mediterranean in appearance, but I never really got a good look at his face. No shoes, no shirt, and heading for the door.

Next I heard, "Stop that man!!!" Though you know, I really don't think anybody was prepared to take that one on. Besides, I think they were just as stunned as I was.

The shouting voice came from a man with, wait for it, a long flailing trenchcoat and an immaculate three-piece dark suit underneath. His coat tails gave quite the show whilst he pursued his topless quarry, now out of sight and assumedly running southbound down the street. I should mention here that he also had patent leather shoes. Magnificent.

I'm quite ashamed to say I was a little too good an employee and didn't leave my post to see what would become of these two individuals. I waited to see if one of the smokers would come in with news. Indeed, a lovely younger man with tailored attire that cost more than my parents country house told me he saw the topless man being caught by the trenchcoat. To my disapointment, the topless offender wasn't brought in the way he had exited, and I never saw him again.

After futher enquiries, I gathered that said man had apparently climbed in through a window. Where he had lost half his clothes remains a mystery, but still, what a poorly planned execution. Perhaps I'm just trying to convince myself that it really didn't matter what his plans were... Fat. Wet. Caught. I wonder if he ever reported back to the big boss.

*But you know, that's so balls. I'm used to that.

Winter Goddam 2.0

2008-03-01T11:14:00.000-08:00

Local Stuff: The Interests of Tens

2008-02-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

My on-going love affair with the writing of Christopher Hume reaches new heights this week. Rather than fight it, I'll just bask in the warm glow of the newspaper's crinkly embrace:

"Toronto doesn't know how to say yes."

And Toronto isn't alone. "Fear of change is palpable everywhere in New York," reports Hilary Ballon, who co-edited the recently published, Robert Moses and the Modern City, a revisionist history of the controversial builder..."

http://www.thestar.com/News/Ideas/article/304113

Requisite Seasonal Photographs

2008-02-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

I mean really though, it's a lot of snow... It just won't stop...

Fun Packaging 2.0

2008-01-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

I was once of children design. (From a package containing a rainbow-coloured xylophone toy the size of my palm.)

New Mondo Feature - Yay Them!

2008-01-29T13:57:00.000-08:00

Recently, my good friend Miles Baker interviewed me for the online magazine Mondo. Click here for further evidence of how mouthy I can be.

Fun Pipe Burst Circa 2005

2008-01-28T15:45:00.001-08:00

It's fun what you come across when you go over old footage.

Carl Asks Owen To Do Celine

2008-01-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

A journey to the end of the bloody ballroom with no room to breathe.

Here's a small video of Mr. Pallett at the Gladstone Hotel Ballroom for the launch of our Carl's (above right and out of focus) new book, "Let's Talk About Love, A Journey to the End of Taste". It's bumpy and it's just the chorus, but it moved me, dammit. I couldn't keep my hand still.

Veni Vidi Oh My

2008-01-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

Veni Vidi O happens every few months... Usually because it can. We were very happy with the particular December 29th happening.

All Snow and No Melt

2008-01-12T13:53:00.000-08:00

College, 2am, Sometime in December.

Don't you think the bicycle looks a bit high and mighty?

2007 Catch Up 1.0

2008-01-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

Things to file under WTF: You know when you watch a DVD of a television series so much that the dialogue turns up in the course of normal conversation? Well, that's Arrested for me. In December, I had a pretty wacky 'flu that lasted more than a week. It made me become far more deeply acquainted with what I now understand to be an entirely unreasonable obsession...

This is the actress Mo Collins, playing the "business model" that's brought in to represent the "Bluth Homes, Solid as a Rock"campaign. Are those bruises on her arm? It looks like somebody tried to give her a solid hickey (what we call 13-year-old bonafied lovin') and missed. Either that, or she got pinched for like, 30 minutes. Take your pick.

...And say what you will about the tiresome onslaught of political correctness, but I'm actually kind of surprised the show got away with this one. I suppose it would be an official racial "you all suck" slur if it was pluralized. Still though, it's pretty fucking strange, and not even as close to funny as White Power Bill.

"Ladies and Gentlemen... Your New Posterchild for Global Warming"

2007-12-19T10:19:00.000-08:00

Miss Yonoyoshi Halts Show and Tell

2007-12-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

Tell the class what you did at the cartoon festival, Soon-Yin.

MIA Treats

2007-12-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Consistently adorable people are annoying. No wait, I'm just jealous.

Bedrocked

2007-12-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

Why is it that every time I hear a Flintstone's reference about this I burst into a furious set of giggles, much like a 7-year-old who has just honed his skills at smelling his own flatulence?

In the midst of Mercer Union gallery footing the bill for Dean Baldwin's charge of driving an unsafe vehicle (Michel de Broin's 2005 piece, Shared Propulsion Car) I can't help but consider how distinctly unfun the traffic laws are in this province. Or maybe it's just a large, looming presence of cops desperate to reach the day's ticket quota. Perhaps a bit of both.

Charging somebody with driving an unsafe vehicle with no engine under the Highway Traffic Act designed specifically for motorized contraptions is not only a bit of a laugh, but a gross estimation of what constitutes safe in the first place. Prohibition of good times aside, I can't believe the police could be bothered with something of such so petty. This particular contraption was actually rendered more safe than those with engines and anti-lock brake systems. You can't exactly take it for a spin and run somebody over if you're going a whole nine kilometers an hour, can you? It's like cruising slowly in an oversized bicycle.

The law attempts to baby-sit us from harm potential, but oversteps what is dangerous in actuality, making functional art without persecution a complete impossibility. When the Mercer crew was pulled over in the Toronto incident, the officer couldn't actually decide what to charge them with, finally landing on the operation of an unsafe vehicle. The mastermind.

It's like we're somewhere in the Middle Ages and the populace has regressed into illiteracy and poor hygiene. This kind of law-biding arrogance is much akin to a bunch of firemen in front of a burning apartment complex with a big hose at the ready. They argue about which way to turn the faucet (regulations!) while the residents scream from the crumbling balcony.

The traffic officers have missed the point of public duty as well. They won't bother chasing a lead on a hit and run with a partial plate or following a car that has almost creamed a slow, elderly pedestrian, but come hell or high water, they'll be there if a bunch of artists want to push what is essentially (but not artfully) a big tin can around the block a few times. My giggling suddenly grinds to a screeching halt. This joke really isn't that funny anymore.*

*Moz

Savoury Shrapnel

2007-11-17T11:47:00.001-08:00

It's true, a Turkey Canon should shoot turkeys into oblivion, not inject them with tasty juices.

Validation

2007-11-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Huzzah.

This Week in WTF

2007-11-07T12:43:00.000-08:00